I volunteer at a place where children and families can go to receive support and assistance through the grief when they’ve lost a loved one. Recently, as I listened to a 14 -your old by tell the group his story of the death of his dad, I remember thinking as he told the story how similar it is the the story of the death of my brother. Then, suddenly inside, it was like my brother had died only 10 days age, not 10 years ago.
As I talked about that experience with a friend, it reminded me that grief works in mysterious ways. Grief doesn’t hit us in tidy phases and stages, nor is it something that we forget and move on from; it is an individual process that has a momentum of its own, and the work involves finding ways of coping with our fear and pain. That somedays, I feel almost neutral about my brothers death. Other days, when I think about some of the wonderful times we had together, I feel happy. And then, when I hear a story that is similar, not the same, but similar, I’m back on the wheel again.
And grief is a wheel and the spokes are the loss, shock, disorientation, depression, sadness, anger, and recovery. They are not stages or phases, because stages or phases implies an end. Grief is a wheel, as the wheel of life turns we occasionally will revisit the loss, shock, disorientation, sadness, anger, or acceptance over and over again. Never like the first time, and never the same as last time, but we experience those same spokes again in a different way from the previous time and in a different way from anyone else. How we experience grief and express grief is as individual as we are.
Grief, in all its mysterious ways and its ceaselessly turning wheel is also a gift. It reminds us of our individuality and our humanity, of our mortality and out eternality. Grief reminds us that out love is both what binds us and that its expression makes us unique. As the spoke of remembrance for my brother comes around again, I am reminded of how humbled and grateful for the awe and wonder and mystery of this adventure called life. Thank-you life, and thank-you grief.
Good Grief Reflections 